Sorry for not being around

Sorry this is long a d depressing. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it or not as I was worried, but you all are like real family that I trust, and I just want to talk, vent.

Hey everyone sorry I haven't been on much, just going through a lot at the moment and am very scared we will be homeless as well. As some of you know life hasn't been the greatest for me and every time something just starts to go good it feel's like someone kicked my feet out from under me.

I also need to talk to my Doctor and hopefully he will get to the issue's that are worrying me, I have given up on him as far as helping to diagnose my Chronic Pain as he sent me for a bone density scan and it came back OK so I guess that must be all he will do as that was like 5 years ago. Now it gets icky as one issue is blood in my crap, I Told him about it but will remind him on Dec 1st as I have an appointment I also have a issue possibly a lower back disk or nerve issue, my Right leg goes numb at least a few times a week and if I am laying down I get this feeling like water is being poured over my leg it is even more freaky when I'm asleep. due to this an other thing's like a Salivary Stone I had in my neck it makes it tough when I lose time from work. I am hoping he will actually do something instead of giving me a blood test and send me off.

It is getting so hard to want to keep fighting when every time I try I just fail, my Chronic Pain has gotten worse over the past few year's as well, my PTSD and Depression have gotten to the point where I am having a hard time dealing with life and don't really have anyone to talk to who understands, If I try and vent to my family they end up somehow making it all Crystals fault and try to convince me to leave her because I didn't sign up to take care of a disabled wife. That makes it even harder to want to talk about anything as one doesn't know who to trust. The only thing that I keep thinking is how I wish at time's I could go to sleep and not wake up, but that would leave Crystal helpless. She is the only reason I keep fighting.

I am also going to get a new job due to the health issue's I have which are making it nearly impossible to do the trade I am in. I am already experiencing issues with my arm where I will drop thing's due to nerve damage from year's of vibrations from tools as well as breathing issues from chemicals. At my age I need to protect what health I have left as well as be able to care for Crystal, There will be a drop in pay as well which will hurt but maybe they will let me work 6 day's a week as it wont be as back breaking as what I am doing now.


Over the last few year's Crystals health has gotten worse and so has mine, for her she is pretty much immobile and were pretty sure the MS has progressed even more which is effecting her memory and emotions big time. I am now trying to do everything from 10 hr work days to maintain the house and take care of her full time. That would be fine if it wasn't for the fact I have my own issues and some new thing's that are worries me.

As far as surviving we are trying and are behind in our rent and bill's and trying to get what Crystal needs is not easy, I am also trying to sell off stuff and have gotten rid of 95% of my lose figure's already. I was thinking if I get rid of 80% of my collection and only keep a few interesting item's it could help us at least pay the rent and bill's that are past due, my hardest issue is pricing as I try and use eBay to get idea's on pricing but the prices are everywhere and some item's are hard to find. If I came up with a list of item's and Price's would someone be willing to help me make it look good to sell, just let me know how much you charge.

The stuff I have are Vintage lose weapons, baggie figure's, Lil Ledy figure's, card's, books, FX Sabers, model kits, Portfolios and so much more. I was also thinking of just seeing about selling all to one place as that would be a fast way to get some fund's to hopefully pay the rent and bill's that are behind, but I wouldn't know what a good price is and right now fear, pain lack of sleep is causing me to not think.

I will say I am honored to have friends who are more like Family here, as you all have helped up through some tough spots over the year's, and your there if I just need to talk. I try and stay active but it gets hard when you have nothing to say and all you do is everything you can just to try and keep from crying anytime the phone ring's, as your scared it's going to be the Property Manager wanting the rent in full.

I went to my folk's last year not to as for help just to vent, that's when they told me that taking care of a disabled person was hard and that I should leave as I didn't sign up for this. That really tipped me over the edge and we were already struggling financial because of her being disabled and me having to deal with everything on my own, only to have your parent's tell you your wife is worthless and that dumping her would be the best thing I could do. I came home so upset and really didn't care about life anymore.

All I am trying to do now is to sell my stuff to pay off what I can and get healthy enough so I can take care of my darling wife. But it doesn't seem to matter how hard I try or how much I help other's, I can never catch a break. I try to keep a happy attitude when around people and try to not make anyone feel bad if something goes wrong. After my blowup to my family I sent an email to a friend in our Garrison and I told him everything and how tough it was and all that. He was worried I was going to harm myself and was so happy when I showed up to the troop the next day, I had no intentions of doing anything I just was mad and worded stuff wrong. Anyway they did a fundraiser through the 501st which shocked me and Crystal they made a beautiful Embroidered patch and linked our gofundme when all was said and done though my friend was very disappointed as they raised less then $300, I told him not to worry it was the thought that counted and it was enough to get some food and meds. I know it got to him and he was really disappointed as the 501st prides itself on caring and helping. I hope he doesn't make that mistake again.

Sorry didn't want to be depressing and all that, I just am so lost and scared and self harm (Cutting) is one thing that I am always fighting, I have even lost all interest in doing anything including custom figure making. I would just love something good to happen or even just catch a breather.

Thanks all for reading, and if anyone is interested in helping me with tip on selling and pricing out my full collection just send me a PM and tell me know what you will charge to help.

Thanks All
Larry

Larry, I'm so sorry to hear what you have been going through. Especially this time of year.
If you need some help with pricing some of your collection, just let me know. I have a subscription to Star Wars Tracker, and should be able to find pricing for loose and carded figures, playsets, etc...

Hey Larry, wow, sounds like your going through bad times, try and stay strong, i don't know you but have always enjoyed your posts, hope you will be ok given time, i'm not knowledgeable enough on our hobby to help with pricing, but i'm sure the guys will help.
I to suffer with complex PTSD and anxiety each day can be a battle, i'm also been recently diagnosed with non epileptic attack disorder and i am having daily seizures which are not fun, but i try and stay positive, i hope and pray you get some help

I'm so sorry to hear that things have been tough for you recently Larry. Caring for a loved one, while trying to hold down a full time job, is really hard at the best of times. But the added strain of everything you're going through, both physically and mentally, is exceptionally challenging. I really hope that things start to brighten up for you soon my friend.
If helping you price up your collection can help in some small way. Then of course we'll be happy to help you.
If you put up a list of everything you want to sell, perhaps a few pics too. We can try and put a price to things for you.
Take care mate. All the best to you and Crystal

Hi Larry, my heart goes out to you and your wife. If I can help in anyway please let me know?

It's possible your lower back is pressing on your sciatic nerve, that
could cause the numbness in your leg. Have you researched sciatica?

Have you looked into any benefits you might be able
to receive from the Canadian government? Maybe the
"Family caregiver benefit for adults" or the "Compassionate care benefits"
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If you need a crisis line to be able talk
Vancouver Island Crisis Line:
1-888-494-3888
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Chronic pain is hard to deal with, I have been realizing this first hand myself.

If you send me an email I will send some holiday cheer to you.

Dave